Pull My Funnybone is severely offensive and dangerous. Reading Pull My Funnybone may cause an obsession with silkworms, anal leakage, mental confusion, cramps, lung flukes, dementia, genital warts, hairy tongue, paranoia, fatigue, blurry vision, skin tags, intense yeast infections, bot flies, pitting edema, diarrhea, constipation, pica, tree frog fixation, nausea, hallucinations, dry mouth, excessive salivation, nightmares, bunions, bed sores, uncontrollable twitching, goiter, and an immense hatred of this writer and therefore should not be read by anyone. Save yourself now and go look at pictures of cute puppies and kittens.
Saturday, July 20, 2013
Wow, quite a start to the summer! The heat is a little too much but I can deal. I mean, this heatwave isn't going to last forever!
Starting to get sick of this heat. It's been pretty intense. Glad I have an air conditioner.
This heat is making me wanna cutta bitch....go out and club baby seals, rape cancer patients while they're hooked up to chemo pumps and beat fragile elders to death with their own mobility aids. I gotta go take some Klonopin clickity-clack.
The other day I saw something on my kitchen floor. At first I thought it was a chewed up piece of gum but then I realized I had sweat off my left nipple.
This morning I shit a fireball and almost blew up my dog.
I have lost the will to live yet have no motivation to take action. I remain on the couch only able to pray for my own demise.
My sweaty taint is producing enough grundle gravy to hydrate everyone in Haiti.
I remain a shut-in: naked and alone, in the dark, sitting by my air conditioner. I am rationing food and medication supplies. I am dehydrated despite sitting perfectly still all day in air conditioning drinking Gatorade. The Great One once said, "I am not a toucan". Yes, a toucan I am not. The spiders remain in the corner laughing at me and taking notes with their eyes. They think I don't know. But I do.
Jesus be a raindrop!
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