I'm poor. And being poor means I have a DIY "Do It Yourself" approach to many things that people often pay for like medical care, sex, medications and now... haircuts.
First, I polled my Facebook friends to see if any of them dared to cut their own hair. Most urged against it. However, I was determined to give it a shot. (People who are mentally ill, like myself, have society's permission to do these things). I studied copious amounts of information on the internet and, as we all know, if it's on the internet it has to be true.
I figured since I do so many things much better while intoxicated: driving, child care, home surgery, difficult phone calls, singing, root canals, etc. I would need to be inebriated for my first self-haircut. I also realized I work well under pressure so I waited until ten minutes before my friend was going to pick me up to head out for the evening.
Here is my before picture:
I decided my first step should be to practice so I cut and styled my dog's stuffed rabbit:
After I finished with the rabbit I was completely confident that I had mastered the art and science of cutting hair. I would go up against Vidal Sasson himself if he hadn't recently crumped. (My confidence may have also been influenced by the wine but I'd like to attribute it to pure mastery of skill).
When women go to the salon their stylist begins by "consulting" with them about what they want to do that day. (Figured I'd 'splain it for my many male readers). Just because I was doing my own hair cut I did not want to deprive myself of a consultation so I stood in the mirror talking to myself (which I do often anyway) and role played customer and stylist.
With freshly washed hair I went to work. First I trimmed the length. The videos said to part your hair down the middle and make two ponytails. Move the elastics to where you want the length to be and cut either before or after the ponytail.
Then I added layers around my face by making another ponytail with only the hair from the front of my head and moving the elastic down and cutting.
I found continuing to drink really enhanced my fine motor skills. I also found that staying distracted by taking a break every ten seconds to go on Facebook helped me surrender to the creative process. I was under tremendous pressure to create a work of art as beautiful as Monet's Water Lilies. Not only did I have a virtual Facebook audience demanding updates and pictures but I also had a physical audience: my cats who were wild with anticipation.
I finished the cut and dried my hair. The entire process took fifteen minutes; five minutes to cut my hair and ten minutes to dry it. It looks uneven in the photo below because I'm lifting my arm to take the picture.
Here are two pics of the results. First one is styled with body. Second one is styled with a flat iron.
So no more salons for me! This cut would have cost about $85.00 if I went to my last stylist. Now all I need is a bottle of wine, some scissors, elastics and Led Zeppelin playing in the background.
If you want to cut your own hair start by getting "trained." I found these videos very helpful http://youtu.be/Z4TaXZcB-lQ and http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Rhdo4DwDFKI. I also found this article helpful http://feyeselftrim.livejournal.com/. There is a hair clip you can buy which actually has a level indicator on it if you want to upgrade from using hair elastics to something more precise. The woman in the second video uses one to give herself layers around her face.
Next, gather your supplies:
1-2 bottles of wine (or any alcoholic beverage of your choice)
Now, go to work. All the instructional videos say to start very conservative. I discourage this. I say, start liberally! Chop away! Pretend you are possessed by Edward Scissorhands. Keep drinking! Then send me your photos so I can post them on this site and we can make fun of you.
© All Rights Reserved